


My Hatred, My Obsession

by Kyndred_Raven (Ravenna_Corvin)



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Canon, Complicated Relationships, Evolving Tags, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-20 17:44:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9502901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenna_Corvin/pseuds/Kyndred_Raven
Summary: [Chapter 4 Posted] [Sess/Kag] [Weekly Updates]A bird with broken wings cannot ever fly again. Killing her would have been an act of mercy. So, why spare her? Why covet her and watch over her as though she was his to protect? As Sesshoumaru watches his single weakness turn into obsession, he learns that compassion can be just as corrupt as ruthlessness.





	1. How I Fall

**Author's Note:**

> The setting:
> 
> This takes place around the final act of Inuyasha (with some timelines shifted and events twisted around).
> 
> Kikyo is dead, and everyone left behind feels a sense of loss and pain, especially Kagome and Inuyasha. Fearing that Inuyasha will never be able to let go of his longing for his beloved, and worrying that she is nothing more than a hindrance to her friends and allies now that her powers have vanished, Kagome struggles to overcome her terror of losing her place in this world.
> 
> Naraku has disappeared without a trace, and with each day that passes, everyone's doubts, fears, and darkness come to light. With their enemy still out there and time growing short for those tied to his fate, the bonds of friendship, love, and trust will be put to the ultimate test.

Far below the roiling of the storm that stabbed the night sky with bolts of lightning, the river roared and snarled as it tore apart the land. Torrents of freezing rain pounded the surface of the water, joining forces to rip away rock and earth, digging deep with icy talons to pull trees and plants into the vortex.

Even the mightiest fell. Even the strongest. Their roots, though buried deep and strengthened by time, gave into the inevitability of their demise. As they were drawn into the chaos, those same roots pulled their sister trees with them, the bonds which had once made them stronger now a fatal weakness.

Kagome took an unsteady step forward towards the ledge, sopping wet mud and clay providing too little purchase on the ground beneath her feet. How easy it would be to fall. A single wrong move; one small misstep, and her body would hurtle to the darkness below where it would become just another part of the pandemonium. The river wouldn't stop; the storm would continue raging. Her death would mean nothing, and her broken mangled body would blend with the water until it was no more than a part of the debris.

As the wind howled and moaned in agony, Kagome watched it beat against the canopy of trees above. The wailing seemed to call to her, making her wish that she could open her mouth and and add her screams of terror to the grim and mournful song. Inside her mind, she cried and cursed, writhing and beating against her chains, pulling and tugging at her feet to stop them from moving her any closer to the edge.

"Relax, priestess," the creature inside her spoke with her own voice. "It will be over quickly."

She watched from the pitch black darkness of her prison as the thing controlling her body took another step through the mud. Kagome struggled and squirmed, willing her arms and legs to listen, begging her body to obey her. Panic rose like thick bile in her throat. Tears streamed down her face, blending with the falling rain, dripping from her cheeks then falling and shattering against the soggy earth.

_Someone! Anyone! Help!_

She opened her mouth, but no voice emerged. Only the creature spoke now. Like a puppeteer, it pulled her strings, moving her jaw and shaping her lips into words that stabbed like knives into Kagome's resolve.

"Why are you resisting this? What do you have left to fight for?" The creature asked. "The well is broken. You cannot go home. The hanyou mourns another and only sees her when he looks at you. And your friends? You are nothing more than a burden to them now."

That wasn't true! Even if her powers were gone, surely there was a way to get them back! Inuyasha was just grieving. He was in pain. They all were. Kikyo had meant something to each and every one of them. It would take time to accept she was gone. They still had a mission, a responsibility to defeat Naraku.

"Kikyo left her final will to you, but you can no longer carry it out. You're powerless. Useless. Imagine it, Kagome," her voice cooed in a dark sinister drawl, "imagine what would happen if you had to fight Naraku in the pathetic state you're in now. What do you think would happen? You're unneeded — a dull weapon, a dead weight. They will fight to protect you, and they will all be killed."

_Let me go! Get out of my body and my head!_

"No, I think not. Whatever false hope you have of stopping me, I suggest you abandon it. I have you now, priestess, and nothing short of death will separate us. Go back to your allies, if you dare. Step into their camp. I will use this body to rip them limb from limb."

_I won't let you!_

"Just like you won't let me jump? Just like you stopped me a moment ago?"

The creature flinched, grabbing at Kagome's upper arm. Blood leaked forth, blooming like flower petals in a circle against her white priestess' robe.

"Bastard actually had the guts to hurt this body," the creature spat, turning around.

A small distance away, lightning illuminated Sesshoumaru's impassive face. He stood unnaturally still, like a sculpted marble statue. Only the depths of his glittering golden eyes told the story of his silent struggle, fury emanating from him in dark waves that strangled Kagome's senses and made it hard to breathe. He held one arm up, blood soaking his hand from the tip of his claws to his knuckles.

Kagome's heart twisted at the look of promised vengeance in his eyes.

For so long, he had been their enemy. For so long, she'd hoped that he and Inuyasha could understand each other. There was no stronger bond than family. She hoped and prayed they could find it in their hearts to see each other as brothers rather than rivals for their father's power. Recently they'd forged a tentative alliance, and Kagome had a chance to understand a little bit more about Sesshoumaru.

Proud and strong. A man with an unshakable will and frightening sense of justice. To seem him standing there, unable to move, bound in shackles that  _her power_  had created, left her feeling like the blackest of traitors.

_Sesshoumaru…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…_

If only he hadn't tried to help her, none of this would have happened. If only she'd been strong enough to fight off this monster's influence. If only her powers still obeyed her. If only she hadn't let her sadness lead her to wander off alone tonight.

"That's right. You're responsible," the creature smiled. "Now take responsibility."

For a split second, Sesshoumaru moved his left arm, but as soon as he did, the creature inside of Kagome raised its head and shouted in her voice:

**_"Restrain!"_ **

The command boomed out between them, and Sesshoumaru went still once more. On Kagome's left shoulder, a small crescent moon glowed bright against the murky night, a testament to the creature's momentary triumph. 

Her heart went out to him.

Subdued. By a human.

She couldn't imagine how this ate away at his pride. 

Green venom oozed from his claws, only a small testament to how right she was. At the sight, the creature sneered.

"Stubborn, just like this foolish girl. Both of you disgust me. But, no matter." The creature's scowl turned into a sickly sweet smile. "Don't worry, Lord of the West. The priestess will not survive the fall. Soon, you will be released. In the meantime, I suggest you enjoy this moment. Let it humble you." Kagome's voice lowered to a dark pitch. "You are  _not_ the greatest power in this land. I will not allow you or anyone to lift a finger to destroy Naraku, for his fate has been written and decided for centuries."

Sesshoumaru's jaw clenched. More venom manifested, steam wafting around it as hot acid met freezing rain.

"Still resisting? In that case, watch and learn. Let me show you how powerless all of you are."

Kagome beat against the walls, trying to force a tangible scream out of her throat but only feeling numbness in return. What  _was_  this thing? A youkai? Another agent of Naraku's? Where had it even come from? She had to keep fighting against it, or —

The creature moved her feet again. Her body tipped sideways as a chunk of land sank and broke away beneath her sandals. The muddy bits of soil and rock fell to the murky waters below, blending and dissolving into the water, helpless to fight against their fate. The wind around her swelled, sending a spray of dark mud to stain her ruined red hakama. In the flashing purples and violets of lightning, it looked like black blood, no different than the crimson liquid flowing freely from her arm.

Again, Kagome surged against her bonds. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried summon even a shred of her power, but no matter what she did, nothing happened. Her strength — her very soul, it seemed — remained dormant and silent as stone. The creature laughed, a horrible dark cackle that didn't belong to her.

"Embrace your end, priestess," the creature smirked and pitched her body off the edge. For a moment, Kagome watched in helpless terror as the sky whirled and switched places with the ground.

 _No! I can't die like this_!  _Someone help me! Help me, please!_

Inside of her, the creature chuckled.

Wind and rain slapped against her cheeks, yet she didn't feel the cold. In the darkness, she felt nothing but how frail and crippled she was, and all she could think of were the consequences of her death. Would her friends defeat Naraku without her? Would they be able to rid this world of the Shikon? Would her family ever understand why she never returned home? Would anyone find her body after this?

Would her death even matter in the end?

She hit the water below with enough force to disorient her. Instantly, her senses returned. Frigid water closed over her head. Refusing to give up, she kicked out with her feet and surged upwards. She'd always been a strong swimmer. If she could just stay conscious and avoid major obstacles in the current, she could make her way to shore.

She broke the surface with a gasp, her eyes searching for anything she could grab on to to slow down or help her stay afloat. But the longer she stayed in the water, the more the cold eroded and ate at her strength. Her arms and legs grew heavy. The water threw her around, different currents fighting over her weakening form like a pack of rabid dogs over a scrap of meat. The river's teeth stabbed into her, frigid icy daggers that seemed to rip away her skin.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't avoid the rocks and debris. Stones smashed into her knees and elbows. Water poured into her mouth and ears. Torrents of it blinded her and pressed like a vice around her chest, crushing the air out of her lungs and squeezing until her vision went dark.

Still desperate to survive, Kagome grabbed at nearby roots of trees recently exposed by the disastrous flood. But, her hands were wet and rigid, fingers numb and blue. Between coughing and sputtering, she screamed when she failed to hold on to anything. Each attempt either bruised or cut her palms, ripping away flesh and nails.

Once more, the river pushed her under.

Once more, she surfaced to rebel against it.

And then, something slammed into her back. Pain like she'd never felt in her entire life exploded through her arm and shoulder. The water around her bled crimson, and as it sprayed up into her mouth, she tasted her own blood. When she tried to use the arm to stay afloat, she felt something crack. The agony of it consumed her.

The river roared and hissed, its clammy hands pulling her into a world of blurred sound and smeared color. In Kagome's last moments of awareness, the answer to her earlier question whispered across her thoughts.

If she truly was this weak, then her death wouldn't matter in the fight against Naraku. Just like the soil, she would be washed away, disappearing in the conflict of the feudal era without a trace of her passing.


	2. How I Move Forward

For an unknown span of time, Kagome stared up at the ceiling above her, seeing but not seeing. She floated somewhere between sleep and awareness, disoriented and uncertain of whether she really was alive or if the afterlife sported rows upon rows of straw and eroding wood.  Her eyes examined the dented frail panels holding the ceiling together, and she wondered how nothing more than straw and dried clay could possibly keep the aging thing from falling apart. 

When her thoughts grew more coherent, she noted that she’d never seen this ceiling before, and that realization set fire to a prickly tumbleweed of panic that forced her to sit up and examine her surroundings. Immediately, her arm and shoulder exploded in a rash of agony. She doubled over instinctively, but the movement only made things worse. Biting the inside of her mouth to keep quiet, Kagome flinched at the taste of blood. 

Images assailed her senses, memories of red frigid water sloshing into her mouth and of wood and stone breaking her body. She examined the carefully wrapped splint on her arm and unwrapped the bandaging to take a look at how bad the damage was. A sharp gasp followed suit, and she hurried to put the gauze and linen back in place. She didn’t want to face the horror of what she saw just then, and the implications that came with it. 

Instead, she staggered to her feet and limped towards the entrance of the hut, wanting to get her bearings and understand where she was. The interior of this place reminded her a bit of Kaede's home, but the structural style of the hut was quite different. A part of her hoped that Inuyasha had found her somehow, though she knew the chances of that were slim to none. The night of the storm — however long ago that was — she’d wandered far from camp before the creature attacked her. And the river had been moving so fast. For all she knew, she could have been washed downstream half way to another province. 

Parting the bead curtain that served as a door to the hut, Kagome flinched away from the bright warm rays of sunlight. Before her, a village sprawled out, wrecked and ripped apart. Though most of the houses were built on stilts to keep them higher up off the ground, the flood had broken them. It looked like a scene out of one of Kagome’s history books: gray and devoid of color, surrounded by an atmosphere of sadness and loss.

Despite the carnage, the cloudless blue sky and gently swaying trees made up a perfect picture of blissful ignorance. Birds flew in the sky, courting each other in flight and chirping singsong melodies of cheer and excitement. How unfair that nature could recover so quickly after throwing such a deadly tantrum. How cruel that such a painfully happy and peaceful picture could be a backdrop to destruction and suffering. 

Between the dancing trees, people milled about, gathering up what was left of their livelihood. Men carried bundles of broken wood and shattered stone, covered head to toe in mud as they tried to salvage what they could of ruined homes and broken fences. Fields of crops as far as the eye could see were flooded, disfigured into cesspools of destroyed vegetables and plants. Women talked amongst themselves, carrying large baskets of mud-covered kimonos, linens, and futons. 

Wherever this place was, the floods and landslides had taken their toll. Kagome frowned, picking at the ragged edges of her bandages. At home, she’d only seen a flood of this magnitude happen once, but things hadn’t been this serious. The future had technology and a system of support in place to help people in these kinds of situations. She thought of her broken well and shuddered, wondering if she was doomed to stay in this world where people died so easily to the whims of nature. 

“You’re awake, priestess,” a voice said from her right. Kagome turned to see an older frail looking woman approach her. She was dressed in a plain blue yukata. Once brown eyes were whitened with age, grey hair braided into a long rope that hung down past her hips. Her smile melted away Kagome’s initial wariness, though the girl kept her guard up just in case. She let the woman take her hand, feeling how rough and calloused her skin was from long years of manual labor. 

“Are you the one who saved me?” Kagome asked. 

“Well,” the woman smiled, “it was my husband who found you, but I am the one who tended to your wounds.” She nodded towards Kagome’s splint.

“Thank you.” Kagome did her best to smile. “How long have I been here? And…” she glanced around again, “where is here, exactly?”

“Before we talk of anything else, please come and eat something. Your body needs strength to heal.” 

Kagome wanted to protest. She didn’t like not knowing where she was. If there was anything the Feudal Era had taught her, it was to always analyze every situation for danger and possible pitfalls. The absence of the comforting weight of her bow made her heart beat sluggishly in her chest. The slightest sound caught her attention, and she regularly looked over her shoulder as though looking for a threat. No spiritual power came to her hand when she called for it, and all of that put together left Kagome feeling as helpless as a rabbit in a snare. 

The woman led her into a different hut, where Kagome was surprised to see a set of futons laid out all across the floor. People lay in them, their breathing slow and ragged. Kagome wrinkled her nose, smelling healing salves and sickness. Holes in the ceiling dripped water onto the ground, releasing _click clack clinks_ that echoed in the silence. 

“So many injured,” Kagome murmured. “Did all of this happen in the storm?” 

“Yes,” the old woman nodded. “It is unfortunate, but we will recover as we always have.” 

“Always?”

“Floods and storms hit our village often.” 

Kagome was taken aback. “This sort of thing happens a lot?” 

“It does.”

“Then…why haven’t you moved?”

“This village has been our home for generations. It holds a sacred power, a spark of the divine. We protect the shrines on the borders. If we left, they would be destroyed or defiled.” 

Kagome’s frown deepened, but she didn’t say anything. She knew how superstitious and religious people were in this era. Not that superstition was completely unfounded. The things and creatures she’d encountered here were beyond her wildest imagination, but clinging to something possibly intangible at the cost of innocent lives was foolish. Still, she didn’t want to offend the person who’d saved her life. 

The woman led her into a separate room in the hut, where she motioned for Kagome to sit on a small mat. She set a tray of food in front of her. Not much — some rice and a bit of fish —but a simple meal had never looked so divine as it did in that moment. 

“You have been asleep for almost two weeks, priestess. Your injuries were grave.” The woman’s eyes flickered to Kagome’s shoulder. “I assume that you are a priestess. Your clothes suggested it, as did the bow you carried.” 

“The bow?” Kagome’s interest was piqued. She finished munching on a bite of fish and blinked at the woman. “You found my bow?” 

For a moment, the old woman’s eyes lowered to the ground. She stood up and walked out of the room, returning promptly with an object in her hands. Kagome’s stomach dropped, a wave of nausea sapping her strength. 

“I’m sorry,” the woman said in a low respectful tone.

Kagome shook her head, standing up and taking the now shattered bow into her hands. Kikyo’s legacy. The final mission she’d entrusted to Kagome on her deathbed. This was the weapon meant to help them defeat Naraku. And now, on top of her losing her spiritual powers, the sacred bow was broken. Once, she’d looked upon it in reverence, feeling unworthy of even carrying such a thing. After all, what could a high school girl from the future do with a weapon meant for a powerful priestess? 

Now, the wood looked frail and old. The string hung like a tattered ribbon on a hundred-year-old antique decoration; the once powerful and sacred carvings etched into the limbs now resembled scratches and tears in dying tree branches. Tears stung Kagome’s eyes, but she held them back with iron will. Embarrassing herself in front of strangers would only make her feel more pathetic. Later, when she was alone, she could mourn her terrible losses. 

“I can sense how this affects you,” the woman said. “For now, worry only about getting well. Not all is lost, priestess.” She placed a gentle hand on the side of Kagome’s face and urged her to look into her eyes. “I am called Rika. May I know your name?” 

“Kagome…Higurashi…” 

“I am old, and in my life, I have seen and learned many things. The most important lesson, I have found, is to take small steps forward when faced with obstacles so that we do not fall backwards.” She gestured to Kagome’s tray of unfinished food. “Recovering is the first step. Then, we will see what can be done about your bow.” 

“It isn’t just a bow,” Kagome protested. “You can’t just put it back together with superglue and hope it works…” 

“Please, sit. Let me tell you everything I can about what’s happened to you first. Small steps, child.” 

Still worried and unreasured by Rika’s words, Kagome nevertheless sat down to finish her meal. While she ate, Rika told her more about the floods and landslides in the area. Her husband, Shinjiro, was out inspecting the damage to the fields closer to the river banks when he came across Kagome’s body. He rushed to the village to try and save her. Though Rika did everything she could, Kagome’s injuries were severe enough that she feared the girl would never be able to recover. 

“I am not one to hide the truth from anyone, so I will tell you this now. The chances of your shoulder ever healing properly are very small.” 

Kagome paused mid-bite. 

“You need to take great care in caring for those bones, or you will never be able to lift your arm higher than your waist. I’m sure you understand what that means…” 

“Yes,” Kagome said, her voice scratchy from the sudden lump in her throat. “It means I’ll never be able to use a bow again.” 

“Nothing is certain, but I wanted to impress upon you the importance of the next few weeks. You must rest, and you must focus only on getting well. This is for your future, Kagome.” 

With those ominous words out in the open, Rika stood and left Kagome alone with her gloomy thoughts. With a sigh, Kagome put down her chopsticks and pushed the tray of food away from her. She couldn’t taste anything, and if she ate any more, she might vomit. Why was all of this happening now, at the most crucial of moments in all of their lives? 

First, her powers vanished. And now, she couldn’t even wield her weapon. Not to mention, she still had no idea what the dark creature possessing her was or if it would return. It probably thought she was dead, and that’s why she hadn’t seen it so far. But, what if it found out she was alive? What if it possessed her again? Would she be a danger to the innocents in this village, too? 

A sudden thought made her peel away her kimono from her left shoulder. There, like a traitorous brand, a violet crescent moon marked her pale skin. So, that hadn’t been a dream. She’d cast some sort of subduing spell on Sesshoumaru, their most fragile and volatile of allies. Fear and remorse filled her at once, fighting for dominance. What would he do to her if he came across her again? What would happen if her weakness in fighting against the creature would end with him turning into their enemy once more?

There had to be a way out of this. All this time fighting Naraku, she’d promised to herself she would become as strong as she needed to be to fight on equal ground with her friends. She’d promised to stay by Inuyasha’s side and complete the Jewel to take responsibility for what she’d done. All of that would be null and void if she gave up now. 

Running a frustrated hand through her hair, Kagome made her way outside. She walked among the villagers, watching as they worked hard to piece their lives back together. When something caught her attention, she walked over to a group of men gathering broken pieces of wood together and molding them with clay back into the walls of their home. 

“Lady Priestess,” one of them greeted her with a bright smile she wouldn’t have expected from a man who’d just lost so much. “All of us were so happy t’hear you’d woken up from your sleep. Are ya feelin’ better now?”

Touched by his sincerity, Kagome smiled back. “I’m alright, thanks to Rika’s care.” She pointed to the wall. “You’re using broken pieces? Won’t that make the wall weaker? Shouldn’t you throw the old stuff away and use new wood?” 

“Oh no,” the man shook his head. “It’s the opposite. We’ve learned o’er the years this clay sticks better to wood that isn’t cut fresh. If we gather smaller pieces of broken wood, the jagged edges help the clay. The walls get stronger that way.” 

His cheerfulness grated on her. “Aren’t you upset that you’ve lost your home?” 

“Of course we are,” the man answered, his face showing no sign of anger. “But e’ry flood or landslide teaches us something’ new. The village comes out stronger, just like these walls.” He patted the mud with his hand. 

“You don’t think it’s a burden, living here? You don't feel helpless? Rika said you were protecting something. Are you staying because she asks you to?” 

The man pursed his lips outward, scratching his chin and smearing mud all over it. "Helpless? Maybe sometimes. But, in the end, we know we can't control nature and all. All we can do is get stronger. Build stronger walls, higher stilts. It's just the way o' life here. Suppose we all got different reasons. Lady Rika saved all o’ us one way or another. We lose crops and houses, but aren’t all o’ those things just…things? Guess for me, what I found ‘ere makes it worth it.” 

He nodded with his head toward a crowd of women, pointing out a young girl smiling and giggling with her friends as they picked more dirty clothes and items off the ground. 

“I met my wife ‘ere. Never thought a man like me deserved somethin’ so lovely. But…” he shrugged, “guess life has a funny way of workin’ out.” 

The loving look of adoration in his eyes made Kagome shrink back. She knew that look all too well, and the sight of it made her ill. How many times had Inuyasha looked at his revived priestess that way? And the night Kagome had wandered off in tears…he’d looked at _her_ that way and called her Kikyo. She tried to tell herself that it was dark; maybe he hadn’t seen her properly. And now that she wore priestess garb, maybe he’d made a mistake. But her heart screamed that that was no excuse. He knew her scent. He was just too deep in grief to think rationally.

Kagome brought a hand to her chest, where her fingers clutched at her robes. She felt dizzy; breathing became difficult. She fought the bitter sting within, but the pain of that moment lingered, fresh and raw like the wounds on her body. 

Children ran through the filthy streets, throwing balls of mud at each other and laughing as though the flood hadn’t changed a thing. Their mothers chased them down, scolding them for their recklessness and holding them close, promising a delicious treat for dinner if they behaved. 

Her heart throbbed, heavy as stone. A memory of the creature’s voice caressed her thoughts with cruel gentleness. 

_Why are you resisting this? What do you have left to fight for? The well is broken. You cannot go home…_

“Lady Priestess? You alright? You’ve gone pale as a ghost.” 

“I’m fine, thank you. I think I’ll return to Rika and see if I can help tend to any of the injured.”

She bowed, unwilling to see or hear any more, and headed for the hut where she’d seen the rows of injured in their futons. If she didn’t do something useful now, she thought she might break down. 

Rika agreed to her request with caution. She warned Kagome not to push herself. At most, she allowed her mix the salves and powders needed to treat superficial wounds. Still, it was something to keep her busy while Kagome worked out what she would do next. The villager’s words stuck with her. If something broken could be used to make something stronger, perhaps she could try to find a way to repair Kikyo’s bow. It was a long shot, but it was better than sitting around wallowing in self pity. At the very least, doing something would help her avoid darker thoughts. 

She spoke with Rika about this, and to her surprise, the woman had information to offer that changed everything. 

“There is a bow maker who used to live in our village. He is supremely skilled at his work and has made many bows considered sacred and infused with power. In order to perfect his art, he decided to live on his own on the mountain not far from here. Perhaps he may be able to help you. However,” she cautioned, “the villages on the way to the mountains are rumored to have been attacked.” 

“Attacked? By demons?” 

“Or humans. Lately, noble lords and their vassals have been seen in common villages, searching for something. We are isolated here, and merchants only visit once a month to trade. We aren’t caught up with the happenings in these parts. However, you must be careful to avoid those villages unless you are struggling for supplies or need shelter. It’s too dangerous now that…” her voice trailed off. Rika looked away, and Kagome knew why she’d stopped. 

“You know, don’t you?” Kagome asked. “That I have no power. And now I can’t even fight.” 

“I know because once, I was a priestess myself.” 

Kagome raised her brows at this. 

“Yes. I was priestess to a noble house when a demon attacked our estates. I tried to fight it and nearly lost my life. When I awakened, I had none of my previous strength. I still don’t know what happened, but I recognize the look on your face. I saw it when I looked in the mirror after what happened to me." 

Kagome stayed silent. 

"The first step is forgiveness. For yourself. You must understand that this isn't the end for you. Also, I do sense that our situations are different. For some reason, your powers have been sealed, but they are not gone. You must find the reason, but you can do that only by first understanding yourself. I don’t need enhanced senses to see that you are lost and confused, my child.” 

“I guess I’ve just had a lot of bad luck lately,” Kagome sighed. “In any case, thank you for everything. I can’t stay here, though. I have to leave right away. I don’t know how I’ll get there, but I need to find this bow maker as soon as I can.” 

Without a word, Rika settled her hand gently over Kagome’s bandaged shoulder. “Remember what I said, Kagome. You _must_ take care, or you will not be able to regain your full strength. Do what you think is best, but do not push yourself past your limits.” 

“I understand,” Kagome smiled. “Thank you again, Rika.” 

“Perhaps one day, we will see each other again. I hope that, by that time, you will be whole once more.” 

They spent the rest of the day packing, preparing some light supplies and traveling gear for Kagome’s dangerous journey. It was around mid-day that Kagome’s senses began to tug at her subconscious. It started with a feeling that something wasn’t right and escalated into a heavy sense of dread that wouldn’t leave her at peace. 

Was it a warning? Could the creature have found her? Or was it something worse? Whatever the case, she wanted to get away from the village as soon as possible. Risking their lives wasn’t something she was about to consent to, even if it meant that she would have to leave in the middle of the night. Fortunately, she managed to keep her unease off her face, so that when Rika and the rest of the village retired for the night, she was able to slip away unseen. 

Armed with fresh sandals and clothes to keep her warm and comfortable, Kagome walked through the nearby woods with a single torch in hand, determined to put as much distance between herself and the village as possible. It was here, in the middle of a small clearing on the edge of a lake, that she finally understood what the dark presence on the edge of her thoughts represented. 

She turned around and lowered her torch, raising her chin to hide her fear. Squaring her shoulders, she subconsciously wrapped her hands around the grip of her broken bow, praying for the strength and resolve to face this moment. 

“I know you’re there,” she called in a quavering voice. “Please come out now. There’s no reason for you to hide.” 

A figure stepped out from the darkness of the dense trees. Though clouds obscured the moon, she could still make out the figure’s face. A shudder ran down her spine. Suddenly, the crescent moon mark on her shoulder seemed to throb in response to the adrenaline coursing through her veins. It felt heavy, like a giant had decided to put all its weight on her shoulder just then. 

“Sesshoumaru,” she whispered. “How did you find me?” 

He continued moving forward without a word until he stood just in front of her, towering above her and blocking out the meager moonlight. Her instinct screamed for her to run, but she knew that no matter how quick she was, she could never escape him. Powers dead. Bow shattered. Bones broken and body bruised and battered. She was at his mercy, and she knew it well. 

“Did you truly think you could hide from everything?” He asked. “How foolish.” 

“I wasn’t trying to hide,” she snapped. The mark on her shoulder grew heavier. Her heart clenched tight. “I’m sorry for what happened that night. I don’t know what the monster inside me did to cast that spell, but I would never use something like that against you.” 

He stared her down, his face unreadable. “And where did you think to go now that you hold no value to your friends?” 

The words sliced at her like knives. She raised her chin higher, refusing to allow him to cut her down so easily. “I’m going to see if I can repair Kikyo’s bow while my shoulder heals.” 

“If it will heal at all,” he countered. 

Kagome’s eye widened. “You…heard? You were that close to the village and I didn’t —”

“I have no need to listen to a healer woman’s words to see the obvious. Humans are frail and weak. Their bones break easily and their bodies heal slowly. If you cannot wield your bow, what use is it to repair it? Your purpose here is over. Go home.” 

“I can’t,” she bit out. “And even if I could, I wouldn’t.” 

“Why?” 

“Because the Jewel is incomplete. I swore I would do everything in my power to put it back together and I swore to defeat Naraku.” 

“Something that is now impossible in your state.” He looked across the lake as though distracted. “If you go to that mountain, you will die.” 

“Then I’ll die,” Kagome said. “What do you care anyway? Why did you follow me here? If you’re away from me, I can’t use this spell against you. And if I die, then the spell will be gone anyways. It’s not like you came to take me back to Inuyasha.” She turned her back to him. “Just go away and let me do what I can to help the people I care about.” 

For a few moments, he was silent. Then —

“No. I will not.” 

Kagome turned back, her eyes widening and her eyebrows shooting upwards. “ _What?_ ”

“Do I need to repeat myself?” 

“You’re not responsible for me, Sesshoumaru. I don’t see what this is all about.” 

“I will not take you back to my brother, nor will I allow you to travel on your own while you bear that mark.” 

She stepped back, raising her palms in the air. “Wait…think about this rationally…what will killing me now get you?” 

The apathetic mask on his face shifted slightly. “I am not here to end your life.” 

“Then what do you want?” 

“Until the mark is gone and until This Sesshoumaru understands the connection between the entity that possessed you and Naraku, you will have the honor of traveling under my protection. When it held you in its sway, the entity mentioned Naraku’s fate and claimed to fight against those who would affect it. Therefore, you are currently the only lead available to find that hanyou’s whereabouts.” 

Kagome realized that her jaw had gone slack and rushed to close her mouth before she embarrassed herself. This was probably more words than she’d ever heard Sesshoumaru speak at any one time. She clutched her bow tighter, wincing at the pain in her shoulder. 

“So…you’re saying you’ll come with me? To see the bow maker on the mountain?” 

“I will lead. You will follow. My retainer will meet us on the way.” 

“Sesshoumaru, I…” 

“Make no mistake,” he warned her. “You are under my protection, but you will follow my commands without protest. And if you ever dare to use the spell against me, I will not hesitate to end your life.” 

Kagome nodded in understanding, doing her best to keep her cool in the face of Sesshoumaru’s intense gaze. When he turned away from her and slipped back into the forest, Kagome followed timidly behind him.  Following his orders blindly didn’t set well with her, but for the sake of her friends and for the sake of defeating Naraku, she reasoned that she would have probably done anything.


	3. How I Protect

Something was wrong.

Kagome sat up with some difficulty, blinking the cobwebs of sleep from her eyes.

Very wrong.

Stumbling to her feet, she looked around the vacant clearing, barely illuminated by the dying fire. Her senses flared outward on instinct, but all that came back was a terrible frightening emptiness. She peered through the darkness, wishing that now more than ever, she could control her powers again. As it was, all she could do was squint past the swaying grass, trying to make out any immediate threat.

Nothing. But the feeling didn't dissipate.

It resembled a persistent scratching in the back of her thoughts, like a fingernail scraping at a scab. The hairs on her nape stood on end. Though the bit of wind that swished past her wasn't cold, she shuddered, wrapping her uninjured arm around herself to cradle her sling. Her eyes shot to Kikyo's broken bow on the ground, useless even if she _could_ wield it. Standing here, in an open space with knee-length grass all around her and barely any moonlight to see by, Kagome imagined herself to be like a turtle without its shell. Soft and vulnerable, too slow and weak to protect herself - she was a sitting duck.

The all too familiar dread persisted, digging deep into her insecurities and picking at the scabs of her self-doubt.

Since leaving Rika's village and meeting Sesshoumaru, she initially thought it was his youki that was responsible. As though confirming her theory, the feeling backed off after she began traveling with him nearly a week ago. But in the last day or so, it started creeping up on her again, stalking her waking moments closer than her own shadow. Now, it seemed to surround her like a death shroud, whispering that now — _now now now!_ — was the time to run if she wanted to live.

Reigning in her initial anxiety, Kagome glanced around her small camp. Sesshoumaru was nowhere in sight. He didn't need to sleep and rest like she did, and he frequently left her alone while she recovered from their backbreaking pace across the countryside. Without a care in the world, he abandoned her. The bastard. He left her alone, blind in the darkness, unable to fight, and helpless if she needed to protect herself. She fought with conflicting emotions on that front. A part of her wanted to scream at him, especially right now when it felt like _something_ was out there, just past her line of sight, planning to attack while she was vulnerable.

The next breath she took turned to stone in her chest. Her body stiffened when she heard the sound of weight bending wet grass just a few feet behind her. Whatever it was stood still, waiting.

There it was again. That heavy sensation in the pit of her stomach, like a bag of twisting rusted nails grinding against the lining of her organs. Her heart slammed against her rib cage in a panic-stricken rhythm of warning. Bending down, she took Kikyo's bow into her hand, determined to fight back in any way she could. Her body coiled like a spring, ready to strike.

_I won't go down easily._

If she had to, she would run as fast as her feet could carry her, hoping her temporary guardian would find her by scent.

The presence behind her shifted, moving closer. She nearly screamed when something broad and solid settled over her shoulder. She whipped around, terror gripping her so completely that she tripped over her own feet and went sprawling backwards. A powerful force pulled her back, knocking the wind out of her. Gritting her teeth and squeezing her eyes shut, she lashed out with the hand holding Kikyo's bow, praying it still had some power left that could at least stun her attacker while she ran.

Something caught her wrist in a bruising unforgiving grip. The coil around her waist tightened, pulling her even harder against a wall that radiated as much heat as a furnace. The smell of dewy fields and moist wind overwhelmed her senses. Fur brushed against the side of her face, and suddenly the entire situation ground to a halt. She raised her head, shock barely registering through her body's natural fight or flight response.

Through a white haze of adrenaline, a pair of glowing golden eyes stared down at her. The expression on Sesshoumaru's face was as unreadable as always, but Kagome could tell that he was _not_ amused. The large hand holding her wrist spared her no pain, and the other arm that kept her trapped against him felt as solid as tempered metal. Just a little more force and he would break her ribs like dry twigs.

As soon as she recognized him, she stopped all resistance, but he didn't let her go. Nor did he gentle his grip. In fact, he tightened it until she could no longer hold on to Kikyo's bow. Her fingers went slack, and the weapon clattered to the ground. The muffled sound bounced between them, the only thing filling a void of tense silence. They stared at each other, Kagome's mind reeling. The show of dominance wasn't necessary. Why did he have to rub her own weakness in her face every chance he had?

She found herself speaking first. "Sesshoumaru…s-sorry…I…"

Wait. Why was _she_ apologizing? All of this was _his_ fault for abandoning her when she couldn't defend herself. She opened her mouth to tell him so, but stopped. If she blamed him right now, wouldn't it make her look desperate? Even weaker than she already was? How would she explain this situation? She woke up and got scared by some boogeyman in the dark? Ridiculous. She wasn't about to show him her back just so that he could stab her with his dagger of superiority again.

"Let go," Kagome said evenly. Her legs felt like jello, but she held herself rigid and still. "Did you hear me, Sesshoumaru? Let go."

He made a sound of dismissal in the back of his throat, but surprisingly, he did as she asked. Kagome stumbled away from him, her feet unsteady. She would never admit how relieved she was to see him standing there and how reassuring it was to feel the strength in him, though it hurt her. Rubbing at her wrist, she stepped back, kneeling down to the ground by the discarded weapon. Kagome wasn't sure what else to say. She pretended to examine the bow, hoping he couldn't see the anguished look on her face just then. Anguished and bitter - full of hatred for herself.

"The villages to the west and north of here have been burned to the ground," Sesshoumaru said, his voice low and disinterested.

 _That_ caught her attention.

"What? Burned? How?"

"There was no sign of demons."

She'd forgotten how intimidating he could sound. They'd hardly spoken at all during the past week. Kagome didn't question anything he did, and she was fairly certain he wouldn't have explained anything even if she'd chosen to ask. All she knew was that Sesshoumaru was single-mindedly searching for their enemy, and that nothing could sway him from his course. She was just a pawn in his strategy, and a minor one at that.

Her spine tingled.

Something was still wrong.

Wrong wrong wrong…

Kagome stood up and faced her companion, picking at her bandages. The motion had become an outlet for her anxiety in the past days. She hoped the gesture would hide how badly her hands were shaking. Though she was safe now, the dread hadn't gone away. The grinding nails in her stomach were back, the feeling so strong now that she felt she might be sick. She struggled to keep her face set into a neutral mask.

"So what Rika was saying about humans searching for something…"

"What humans choose to do to their own kind is none of my concern. All we seek is clues to Naraku's whereabouts."

She raised a brow. "If you don't care about the villages, why don't you just fly us to the mountain, Sesshoumaru? What is it you're looking for out here?"

He didn't say anything, merely gave her one long intense inspection from head to toe, then turned away. Even after his eyes left her, Kagome's skin seemed to burn from the heat of his gaze. Sometimes, she wondered if he could read her mind. Those glittering diamond-like orbs cut through flesh, blood, and bone to bore straight into her soul. Did he know she was hiding something from him? Did he sense how badly she wanted to escape? She'd been mulling over how to do so for days now, but she didn't have the courage to attempt it. She supposed she could have tried to run while Sesshoumaru left her alone. But doubt always stopped her.

Even if the creature came back and possessed her…

Even if she attacked Sesshoumaru or subdued him…

Wouldn't she have a better chance of survival if she stayed with him?

"Priestess," Sesshoumaru called. "You will sleep now. The sun will soon rise."

Sleep? He had to be joking. No matter how tired she was, the dread in the back of her mind wouldn't allow her to rest now, especially alone. Kagome clutched at the edges of her bandages, pressing her fingers together so hard they hurt to hide their trembling. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this afraid. Was it when she first fell down the well? When she first faced Naraku and understood just how dangerous this world was?

No. Not even then.

At least in the past she'd always had something to fall back on. Inuyasha. Her power. A weapon. Friends. Now, all she had beside her was a demon lord whose motives and agendas she could only guess at. If she was possessed and used her power against him, he promised to kill her. None of it made any sense, for it seemed that he was searching for that exact opportunity. He _wanted_ the creature to find her again; maybe hoped he could use it to find Naraku. Did that make her expendable? Would she really be willing to die just so Sesshoumaru could find a clue to locate Naraku?

_Inuyasha...will I ever see you again?_

Kagome sat down by the fire, her shoulders slumping and her nails digging even more into her palms. Using her traveling pack as a pillow, she curled up on her uninjured side, wincing at the agony when her shoulder moved even a little. Her skin itched. She wanted a bath. Specifically, she wanted to sink into the giant bathtub at home and let the steam and bubbles wash all of this mess away. She wanted her mother's home cooked dinner, missed the warm welcoming arms and soothing voice that told her everything would be alright.

Mom.

Grandpa.

Sota.

At the thought of home, her eyes stung. She held back her tears behind a firm wall, however, waiting for Sesshoumaru to fly off like he usually did. To her supreme frustration, the one time she truly wanted him gone, he refused to leave. Instead of abandoning her as always, he took a seat on a nearby outcropping of rock, tilting his face to look up at the sky. His thoughts seemed to drift with the silvery clouds, body angled away from her. It was as though she'd ceased to exist.

To try and clear her mind of sadness and anxiety, Kagome decided to focus on his profile. She'd never spent this much time around Inuyasha's brother. She respected his power and strength, but she knew next to nothing about him as a…person, if he could be called that. Could a human even understand the mindset of a demon his age? How much of this world's history had he seen? What did it feel like to live for centuries? What drove him aside from pride and his role as a powerful demon of the land?

Though Kagome swore she wouldn't be able to sleep that night, exhaustion finally caught up with her. Before she closed her eyes and gave into a dreamless rest, she could have sworn she saw Sesshoumaru's piercing gaze slip to glance her way.

* * *

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* * *

In the morning, things played out as though nothing odd had happened the night before. Neither of them spoke of their encounter. Kagome certainly didn't want to. Their first priority was reaching the mountains, and she couldn't do that if she allowed herself to be bogged down with depression. So, she tried to stay up-beat and positive, observing the scenery as they passed and appreciating the raw beauty of a wild and untamed Japan.

Sesshoumaru moved forward at the same punishing pace as he had all week, not caring that Kagome struggled to keep up. Fortunately, traveling with Inuyasha over the years had given Kagome a stamina uncommon among most humans. Though her body protested, it didn't let her down. At times, she would lag behind. Always, Sesshoumaru stopped when the distance between them grew too large. She wanted to call it kindness, but knew it was nothing more than proof that he was watching her like a hawk. Her potential power over him likely made him wary of her. Though she'd promised not to use the spell against him, she understood his misgivings.

Most humans would have leapt at the chance to wield this sort of control over a higher demon. But Kagome knew she would never do so unless the situation was dire or out of her control.

Spring had given way to summer, and the heat out in the open was almost unbearable. Sesshoumaru seemed, as usual, unaffected. As for Kagome, she thought she might burn up and turn into ash if they continued walking through areas without any kind of tree cover. Not to mention, her water was running low. Trying to ration it ended with her feeling weak, dehydrated, and praying they might find a spring or a village where she could refill some of her dwindling supplies.

By mid-day, they reached a small hamlet. Kagome's flash of hope quickly turned to sorrow when she saw that this place had met the same fate as the other villages they'd passed during the week. Sesshoumaru mentioned that he hadn't sensed the presence of demons, which meant that _people_ had done this to each other, a fact that broke her heart no matter how many times she was faced with it. She'd spent years in this era, and even longer studying its history, yet Kagome still couldn't understand why humans went to war so willingly and carelessly.

Her eyes roamed over the houses, left untouched and abandoned as though their owners had only stepped out for a moment or two. Laundry flapped in the breeze, white sheets and linens snapping around like dancing ribbons. Baskets of food and bales of vegetables and crops lay outside the doors and huts while farm animals like goats and chickens wandered around sniffing and picking at the grass. A large dog slept near one of the smaller huts, dozing in the cruel heat, waiting for its master to return.

Only the decaying motionless bodies strewn about the paths and roads ruined the picture of a peaceful simple life. Whoever was responsible for this hadn't even taken the time to burn the homes. They'd ridden through, killed innocents, and moved on as though they'd been culling weeds in a field.

Kagome took a small breath. "Can we…maybe…"

"No one survived," Sesshoumaru cut in.

"Do you know that for sure?" She challenged.

"Time is short. Come." Without waiting for her answer, the demon lord turned away and continued walking. Kagome turned, too, feeling defeated. Inuyasha and her friends might have investigated these atrocities, Jewel shards or not. That she allowed Sesshoumaru to lead her around like this against her instincts and convictions bothered her, yet she knew that there was nothing she could do to resist him in her state. Not if she wanted to reach the mountains in one piece.

The nails ground against her stomach again.

She looked back towards the village.

Something moved in the shadows of the houses. Narrowing her eyes, she tried to make out several shapes that stood out against the dark browns and golds of the huts. The grinding in her gut intensified until the sound of it filled her ears like a dull roar. Her body shook with painful tremors, each movement setting bursts of fire through her broken bones.

"Sesshoumaru, wait," she murmured. From the corner of her eye, she saw him pause in mid stride. "I need to…refill my water flask." Taking a few steps towards the village, she gasped when she saw the shadows _wiggling_.

_Don't go. This is bad._

She paused.

Beads of sweat rolled down from her neck and slipped down her chest. The sun pressed down on her from above. Her mouth went dry as bone. Death. She could _feel_ it in that village, but it was more than just the corpses. It was in the shadows, in the shapes that flickered and sometimes looked oddly humanoid. The roaring in her ears grew louder, coming in waves that almost sounded like…

A shrill voice calling Sesshoumaru's name from high above snapped her out of her trance. She looked up and saw Sesshoumaru's two-headed dragon beast flying gracefully towards them, his servant and Rin in tow. Immediately, Kagome's teeth clenched together. The demon lord had mentioned that they would catch up with him and Kagome eventually, but their timing couldn't have been any worse.

No. No. No.

This wasn't good at all.

She flinched when the dragon landed and Rin hopped off, running first towards Sesshoumaru then bouncing on her tiny feet and turning towards Kagome. The innocent smile devoid of anything but pure joy would have normally given Kagome the lift in spirits that she so badly needed. However, in this moment, the priestess felt nothing but horror as she watched the little girl running towards her at full tilt. Arms held out, black hair flying like a banner behind her, eyes sparkling with radiant happiness.

All of that was in danger!

Kagome's eyes snapped sideways. The shadows around the houses wavered and shifted again, their movements sharp and unnaturally quick. One in particular slithered closer. Had it had a face, Kagome was sure it would have been staring right at her. Its head tilted once then popped, as though it broke its own neck. That blank shadowed face continued twisting until the head hung at a crooked angle from the rest of the body.

 **Found you…** — a voice hissed in her ear, almost lost in the grinding and roaring around her. Something tickled her just under her nose, and when Kagome reached up to feel for what it was, her hand came away smeared in blood.

It was coming.

 _They_ were coming.

She wanted to shout a warning, but her voice wouldn't respond. The feeling was the same as before, when the creature first possessed her on the edge of the ravine. This time, though, it was fear that paralyzed her. Not for herself, but for Rin and the others. Her body shook violently now, stomach twisting viciously. The ground spun under her feet.

"Kagome!" Rin cried out as she jumped up and wrapped her small arms around Kagome's waist. The priestess hardly felt the pain of it when the child bumped into her broken shoulder. She looked at Sesshoumaru, stared him down, prayed that he would read the apprehension in her eyes, for she was petrified and unable to do anything but grip Rin to her with all the strength she had in one arm.

"Kagome, I missed you so much!"

The priestess' answer came in the form of her arm tightening even more around the child. She pulled her closer, wishing she could protect her and swearing she would do anything to do so. At last, Sesshoumaru seemed to understand that something was amiss. His stance changed instantly from relaxed to battle-ready. His hand slid to the hilt of his sword. Jakken looked between his master and Kagome with bulging eyes, muttering something the priestess completely tuned out.

"Kagome, are you alright?" Rin asked, her voice muffled against the priestess' clothes. "Your arm is hurt! And your nose is bleeding…"

"…Rin…" Kagome managed to rasp through clenched teeth. "…You have to run. Now. Go back to Sesshoumaru…"

"But…"

"Please…Rin…"

The air exploded in a showed of dirt, mud, and torn grass.

At last, Kagome's voice obeyed her. She screamed.

The shadows skittered from the village towards them, sometimes slithering, sometimes moving so fast it looked like they were teleporting from place to place. They were humanoid, but they had extra arms and legs; some had two or three heads. Their excited shrieks pierced the air.

They ignored Kagome completely, making a single straight path right for Sesshoumaru. Strangely, the demon lord's eyes moved around all over the clearing rather than focusing on his opponents. Kagome gasped, realization hitting her like a bolt of lightning.

He couldn't see them!

"In front of you!" She shouted, just in time for him to draw the Bakusaiga and block an attack that might have cut him in two. Even though she could see where they were, Kagome couldn't be sure what they used as weapons. She could hardly make out their shadows, much less see more specific features. Their cries deafened her until she was tempted to double over in agony.

Kikyo's bow pulsed where it was strapped to her back. When she looked down, Rin's eyes were wide with fear and confusion. She clutched at Kagome's crimson hakama, her face going pale. Judging by the way she and Jaken whipped their heads around all over the place, they couldn't see the shadows either.

"From the back! To your left!" Kagome called.

Though Sesshoumaru couldn't see them, Kagome noted that he could feel where their attacks were coming from. Knowing the general direction allowed him to block and sometimes even counter. She was no warrior, but even she could tell that he couldn't possibly last long at this rate without being wounded, and who knew what kind of wounds those monsters would cause? Her eyes counted at least five or six shadow creatures. He was severely outnumbered, and it was only a matter of time before some might break away and attack the others.

 **Priestess…** — a familiar voice called to her. Her spine went rigid. The word was spoken directly next to her. Her back exploded in pain when something cold and clammy reached between her shoulder blades and began to creep inside her. Her blood went cold, heart beating erratically as she attempted to fight off what she knew to be the same parasite that took her the night of the storm.

Not again.

Not this time.

She looked down at Rin, knowing she had only seconds to make a choice.

For a moment, as the creature entered her and began to take control, she felt her spiritual energy leap to her defense. She clung to it. All she needed was a window, a tiny chance. Until then, she could hold on. She _would_ hold on!

"…Run…" she wheezed. "Run to the dragon…to safety…don't stop no matter what…" With that, she pushed the child in her arms aside and sprinted forward. Sesshoumaru was a good distance away, but she swore to reach him no matter the cost to herself. She continued calling out directions, trying to warn him, trying to help. All the while, she pulled with all her might on the frail string connecting her to her spiritual power. She had to stay focused or the creature would take hold of her before she could do anything else.

Pushing his influence away took every ounce of willpower she possessed, but she fought on. Her vision narrowed on Sesshoumaru and the clashing of his blade with razor sharp claws. With each heartbeat, she could see the shadows with more clarity. The creature inside her hissed and cursed, pounding against her barrier of resistance with desperate fury now.

Just one more step.

Just one more!

Kagome flew into the fray, barely registering Sesshoumaru's surprised expression as she threw herself in front of him and wound her uninjured arm around his body. In that moment, she released all of the spiritual energy she could gather. A blast of bright white light filled the clearing, spreading outwards like a grand explosion. Bakusaiga's barrier triggered, protecting Sesshoumaru from a direct hit. The shadows around them shrieked and retreated, disappearing and fading into the flash. The drain on her was immediate, but Kagome hardly had time to wonder if she'd just done something foolish.

The creature inside her broke through. She had less than a second to get away.

Kagome looked into Sesshoumaru's eyes. Time stopped. In that one grain of a moment, Kagome's heart clenched in remorse. She saw the understanding in those calculating orbs. He knew what she was about to do, just as he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop her.

"Restrain," she whispered, feeling his body tense and freeze. She pushed away from him, turned, and ran, praying that by the time the creature broke all the way through and took hold of her, she would be able to put a good amount of distance between her and her allies.


	4. How I Run

 

* * *

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* * *

Kagome ran forward with no direction or certain destination, too terrified to look back and see if her spell was still in place. She prayed to whomever would listen that the subjugation would last even a minute — a  _second_  — longer. Her back tingled, anticipating poison claws to gore into her with the merciless tenacity expected of a demon on the war path. Questions blasted through her panic-stricken mind like whizzing bullets. Was Sesshoumaru already chasing her? Had he broken free? Was there any chance that he would understand  _why_  she subdued him? Would he even care?

Paranoid and gripped in the grizzly maw of hysteria, she went blind. Instead of the path ahead, the last few minutes circled and repeated in her memories like a broken record, always jamming and pausing at the ferocity in Sesshoumaru's glare. Guilt swarmed around her, a broken jar of bees that stung her conscience with each step she took. What had she done? What had she  _done?_

But, no time for regret remained. She had to keep running. Any moment now, the creature inside her would —

Her fingertips went numb.

Then her hands and arms.

Her legs moved in stiff robotic motions, pumping up and down without her will or consent until they tangled together and she lost her balance. Still mid dash, Kagome flew forward and went sprawling into the dirt. Unlike her first possession, this time she felt _all_  of the pain as shriveled leaves, spiny twigs, and errant stones shredded the skin on her forearms and elbows. She rolled, trying to soften the impact, but her injured shoulder still bore most of her weight. With a sharp  _crack_ , it snapped out of place. A searing flash of agony turned to white noise that filled her eyes and ears like boiling water. She opened her mouth on a gasp and then a scream; nothing but air came out.

She knew, then, that her body was no longer hers.

The creature did not wait for flesh and bone to recover. Righting itself, it burst into another run, ignoring the throbbing pain in what had to be a twisted ankle. Whether it felt the discomfort or not hardly mattered anymore. Kagome didn't resist. As long as the creature was running  _away_ from Sesshoumaru and his companions, she wouldn't go against it. That was the plan, at least, until they could put some distance between them. After that, she had no intention of sitting back and leaving her body in the creature's control.

 _You are being unusually cooperative, priestess_.

Kagome focused on staying aware, trying to anticipate the creature's motives. Where was it going? What did it plan to do with her body  _this_  time? She tried not to think about the mess she'd just made back at the village. She'd used the spell against Sesshoumaru even though she  _promised_  not to. She didn't know what was worse — hurting his mighty pride or going against her word. Both actions made her sick. Despite the uneasy atmosphere between them, he'd protected her since they left Rika's village. He'd kept his end of the bargain, though there was one last part to carry out now that she'd broken her vow.

Should he find her, Sesshoumaru would definitely kill her for her choice.

 _Forget the demon. He is none of our concern —_ the thing inside her commanded. 

Where was it taking her, then?

_Away from here. To the mountains. We have certain_ _**business** _ _there._

The mountains? Inside her prison, Kagome shuddered with foreboding. It couldn't be. Not the bow maker! Please, no. Was  _he_  what the monster was after? Or would it try to kill her again? But if that was its goal, why didn't it just stab her body with something  _now?_  Kikyo's bow was still strapped to her back. All it would take was a well-placed strike…

_We have decided to keep you alive, priestess. Though, you are a threat and must be kept contained._

Kagome did her best to push all worries of the mountains and what awaited there out of her mind. For now, it seemed the creature could hear at least some of her thoughts. Until she could fight back, she would have to keep calm and worry only about what was happening in the moment. That way, she could keep the thing out of her head and avoid giving away important information it could use against her.

She remembered tapping into her spiritual powers just before the creature took control. They'd been sealed away, so how had she managed that? What was keeping them from her in the first place, and was there a chance to break the seal on them after all? Sinking her ethereal hands into the murky depths of her prison, she searched for that faint link to her powers once again, her shoulders slumping when she couldn't find it. High above her in the darkness, she saw a small light, a tear in the abyss. Was that the link to her power or was it the way out? She tried to reach it — swimming, floating, crawling — but it always moved away just past her fingertips. If only the pain from her injuries would stop distracting her…

For an unknown length of time, Kagome's body ran over dying grass and dried earth until the creature ground to a halt, clutching at its chest and heaving in panting breaths. Her shoulder pulsed with bursts of flame, the agony nearly as bad as when Kagome first shattered it. Anxiety rushed through her; had the fall damaged it past recovery? Rika had warned her about the chances of it healing poorly. What would happen if she couldn't fire a bow again?

 _Damn this weak fragile body —_ the creature hissed.  _We can't outrun the demon this way. Though, if he comes close, all we have to do is pull on his leash._ The monster let out an amused bitter laugh, an ugly sound when coming from Kagome's throat.

What did it mean by  _his_ leash? Sesshoumaru's? No! She didn't want to see that look in the demon lord's eyes again. The accusation of betrayal and sneer of disgust. Her stomach twisted into knots just thinking about it.

_You have no say in it, priestess. There is nothing that can pull me from you now, remember? Nothing save for your death, and we will not allow that to happen…not just yet._

From that moment on, time blurred together. Hot blistering day turned into frigid night then shifted to a dull and gloomy morning. Though she had no control over her body, Kagome experienced all of the damage inflicted on it. Through a haze of suffering and exhaustion, she felt her body's hunger and its thirst. She writhed in the darkness, flinching with every torn muscle, overworked tendon, and strained bone. The creature stopped for nothing, not even to drink out of the flask in her pack.

Running. Always running. Heat or cold. Day or night.

The monster didn't care about her human limitations and pushed forward with feverish intent, obsessed with the idea of reaching a location where Sesshoumaru couldn't find them. The ever-present trepidation in that need made Kagome wonder. Did the creature  _fear_  him? The night of the storm, she could have sworn it forced her to jump into the river because Sesshoumaru was there. They'd fought, and the demon lord had wounded her, showing a disregard for her life that caught the creature by surprise.

 _The demon means nothing —_ it insisted with unusual vehemence.

Yet Kagome couldn't let the idea go.

If Sesshoumaru truly was a threat to the creature somehow, then her best chances rested with allowing the demon lord to catch up with her. Sure, he might kill her. But, he might be able to help her somehow, too. What did she have to lose? Only her life, and lately a shadow hovered over her sense of reason, whispering that even her life didn't matter anymore. A single thought lingered like a cancer, spreading and growing, feeding her strength through misery.

She would do  _anything_  if it meant defeating Naraku and saving her friends.

Anything.

Over the next few days, she fought tooth and nail to slow the creature down. Sometimes, she managed to regain control for a brief moment, but every time she did, her opponent pushed her farther and farther back into the void. Resisting became increasingly difficult after each attempt until Kagome wondered if she would ever be able to crawl out of the darkness again. After two days of fighting, her mind felt close to breaking. The pinprick of light so high up above her hovered, ever unreachable. Surrounded by thick fog and a bottomless abyss, she couldn't help but give in to the depression she'd been trying to keep at bay. Receding back into her prison, she wondered —

Just whom had Kikyo left her legacy to?

For so long, Kagome had wanted nothing more than to step out of the undead priestess' shadow, to be seen as herself and no one else. Yet the moment fate granted her the opportunity, she failed at every chance to prove her worth. When considering her situation in those terms, Kagome wanted nothing more than to curl up and disappear. But, she couldn't give up. On  _principle_ , she couldn't. If she did, then all her fears and insecurities might come to light. If she gave up, she  _would_  be weak. If she gave up, then Kikyo had truly left her mission and her quest to a  _nobody_.

Again, Kagome lost track of time and was so preoccupied with fighting both the creature and herself that she hardly noticed when the thing came across a group of traveling merchants headed south towards Rika's village. In her voice, the creature greeted them, greedily eyeing their horses. Travel would be faster and easier if it could steal one for itself. The merchants were an obstacle, however. They would need to be dealt with.

"Lady Priestess," one of the men bowed his head respectfully. He balked when he saw the condition she was in. "Are you alright? You're hurt!"

"I came across a pack of demons some days ago," the creature said, its voice full of false strain. "They attacked, and I barely escaped with my life."

"Where are you going? Can we help in any way?"

"To the mountains…"

"Lady Priestess," one of the other men spoke up. "We've heard terrible rumors about the northern villages. They aren't safe. You should reconsider."

"I cannot," the creature answered with fake sadness, drawing Kagome's features into a wounded expression. It hunched its shoulders, clutching at torn bandages.

Taking pity on what they saw as a lone and brave young woman, the men made camp and offered her food and drink. At last, the creature drank some water but left the meal untouched. With Kagome's eyes, it watched the men as they prepared to sleep for the night, and with her hands, it tucked away one of their hunting knives into its robes. Knowing what the creature planned, Kagome beat against the walls of the void, shouting and pleading for the monster to leave the innocents alone.

Stop this! You don't need to kill them!  _—_ she begged — Just take one of their horses and leave!

_We don't_ _**need** _ _to take their lives, but we are going to nonetheless. Who knows? They may run into your demon lord and tell him where we are…_

Please, leave them alone! They don't have anything to do with this!

_Remember well, priestess. From now on, you are my prey. Even if you should separate from me, I will find you again. And when I do, I will slaughter each and every person you hold dear. I will blacken your heart until it submits to me, and when you are filled with darkness and misery, you will fulfill your purpose in this world._

Each word thundered through her prison, driving into her like bolts of blazing lightning. Imagining what was to come, the innocent blood that would stain her hands, Kagome shook with newfound rage, both at the monster's cruelty and at her inability to stop him. In that rage, a sobering realization hit her. She focused on the creature's words, on the emotion in them, and discerned an all too familiar buzzing in its aura.

It felt exactly like a corrupted shard of the Jewel.

There was no mistaking it. She and Inuyasha had hunted shards for so long that she learned to recognize their aura with ease.

She had no time to think about what that meant. Its threat properly communicated and its surroundings quiet and still, the creature stood up and took out its stolen hunting knife. Shedding Kagome's sandals to make less noise, the monster crept towards the first merchant's sleeping roll, peeling back his blanket and looming over him until the man sensed that something was wrong and jerked awake.

"Lady Priestess?" he mumbled, his voice hoarse yet grating in the quiet night. Her hand flew out to cover his mouth, muffling his surprised scream at the sight of the gleaming blade. The last thing Kagome saw was her other hand slashing outward and sliding the knife between the man's ribs. He convulsed, his teeth digging into her palm on reflex. Blood sprayed forth from his abdomen in a boiling stream, covering her hands, face, and neck.

Suddenly, something pulled a blindfold over her eyes. Her skin went numb, all sound and sensation vanishing completely. No matter where she turned, she saw only emptiness until she wondered if she existed at all. Where was her body? She couldn't hear her heartbeat or feel her breath. The pain from her injuries disappeared. She blinked, but couldn't feel her eyelids moving. Above, even the orb of light turned to blackness, leaving her alone.

Was she dead? Gone? Had the creature won the battle for her body completely? She couldn't believe it — she  _wouldn't_. Even if she was nothing but a scrap of soul now, she would fight until she had control again.

Because — she told herself voicelessly — I will do  _anything_  I have to to protect those I love.

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He stalked her.

For days, Sesshoumaru followed her halting progress across the land, always one step behind. Her scent faded in and out, inconstant as the moaning wind that soared across the plains. Perhaps it was fortunate that she was wounded. The smell of blood was stronger than the scent produced by skin. It became familiar. Coppery, tangy. Slightly sweet. He learned to recognize it even when it barely lingered on the grass or among the trees. At times, he flew to quicken his pace. Other times, he walked. Whatever was needed to stay on her trail.

It galled him, both that a single human could escape his reach and that he bothered to track her this far. Had he seen himself now a hundred years ago, he would have killed his pathetic future self without hesitation. The shame would have been unbearable. That a great and powerful demon of his stature troubled himself to search for an insect went against his principles. That he couldn't catch her after days spent in pursuit was even worse.

Did he really need her so badly to find Naraku? Relying on anything but his own power to accomplish his goals scraped at his pride. Countless times, he nearly turned back. And countless times, he remembered the way her spiritual power wrapped him in chains. The feeling of his body turning to stone; the sensation of his sense clouding and fading —

When he remembered  _that_ , he had to remind himself that he needed her  _alive_  to find Naraku. When he remembered that, the caustic venom of his anger rose to the surface, reinforcing his need to find her and take vengeance. He pictured what that might be like, flexing his fingers. It was then that he felt an odd warmth suffuse his palm. He recalled the night he'd returned to their camp to find the priestess gripped with terror. He remembered how hot her skin had felt in his hold, how soft. Strange that he should remember something so insignificant, yet from that moment on, the sensation haunted him.

On the fifth day of his search, the weather turned unexpectedly foul. Rain bucketed down from the sky, forcing him to order his companions to stay behind in shelter while he moved on. Neither of them protested, Rin expressing unnecessary confidence in his abilities. He didn't acknowledge her words. Of course he would find the priestess. Of course he would catch her. Of that there was no doubt. However, whether he brought her back unharmed or ripped her to pieces was a different matter altogether.

The howling winds and freezing rain gave him no trouble save one: water muted all scents and washed them away. The trail nearly went cold more times than he could count, but the smell of her blood persisted. He cursed the storms at first, but stopped when the onslaught brought him some luck. At night, a curtain of water hid everything except for what lightning could illuminate, but after almost a week of searching, he finally found what he hunted.

To escape from the rain, the woman took refuge in a small village not far from the mountain passes, one of the few settlements still standing after the mysterious attacks that broke out like a rash across the north. Waiting for the human ants to climb back into their proverbial anthills as they retired after a long day, Sesshoumaru glided through the streets until he found what he needed.

That tangy smell. Strangely sweet and tempting.

Human blood should not have smelled so appetizing, not to a demon who scorned the taste of it.

He chose to make no sound as he entered the hut she slept in. Once he found her, he paused, uncertain of how he should proceed.

In sleep, her face looked innocent and peaceful, her normally soft features made harsh by the ordeals of her travels. The bandages around her shoulder hung in tatters, white cloth stained dark brown by filth and dried blood. Her clothes were in a shambles, hair resembling a raven's nest with all its tangles and knots. She looked thinner, her skin pulled too tight across her cheekbones. A pale hue stained her chapped lips.

The sight drew a frown from him. It appeared the one possessing her cared nothing for her body's welfare. Odd that she was still alive. The last time the creature took her, it drove her to attempt suicide. If it hadn't done so yet, what were its true motives? Where was it taking her in such a hurry?

Something occurred to him, then. Was recovering her now worth what might be lost in doing so? Perhaps if he followed her to the end of her path, he might find information about their enemy. Perhaps if he allowed events to play out as they would, the creature would lead him to Naraku himself. What did it matter if the priestess died in the process? He wasn't here to protect her. She wasn't like Rin, and as far as he could tell, she no longer held any special powers to help in the fight against their nemesis. None that she could control, at any rate.

Again, he remembered the moment she'd subdued him. There had been real terror in her expressive eyes. Fear, and the conquering of it. In that moment, she'd known exactly what she was getting herself into. Yet, she'd persisted. How illogical, for a human to rush into a situation involving certain doom. He might have expected it from a foolish samurai, deluded in his sense of loyalty. But she was just a child not even two decades of age. He supposed that sort of courage could be admirable, in a way.

Raising his hand, he looked at his palm, flexing his fingers as had become habit in the past week. Reluctantly, he remembered how tiny and fragile her wrist had felt in his much stronger grip. To think that something so small could have the gall to stand against him and possess power enough to immobilize  _him_ …

A red fog momentarily clouded the edges of his vision. A hundred years ago, he would have relished wrapping her body in his poison whip and watching as her skin melted from her bones. But, he was different now. Changed. Since meeting Rin, life seemed…a little more valuable, somehow.

_I need her alive. At least, for now._

Setting his jaw, he turned to leave. Allowing nature to take its course was for the best. Humans existed to break and die at the whim of stronger forces. All it would take is an unexpected gust of wind or a careless hand, and their lives would fade out like dying candles. Judging by her state, the priestess' body wouldn't hold up for much longer. Might as well make use of it for a greater cause. Doing so would elevate her purpose past the lowly status of her species. At the very least, her death would mean something in the end.

Convinced by his own superior logic, Sesshoumaru moved towards the doorway, determined to follow her when she continued traveling on the morrow.

"Don't go," a small voice murmured, almost too quiet to hear.

He paused.

"Don't go."

Turning, Sesshoumaru expected to see the priestess' pleading eyes staring up at him. However, she hadn't moved at all from her previous position. Still deeply asleep, her chest rose and fell in steady shallow movements. Confused, he barely restrained himself from stepping back over to her in order to investigate. Was this one of the creature's tricks? If so, then he had overstayed his welcome. The last thing he needed was for the monster to catch wind of his new plan. If it knew how close he was to them, it would certainly never lead him to its master.

Still, he waited, expecting to hear that soft plea once more.

One moment.

Then two.

It did not come again.

His eyes roved over the priestess' shoulder, noting the odd angle at which it lay. Any fool could see that it was broken again, and not in a way it could heal from. A flash of heat bloomed in his chest; a strange emotion.

Was it  _pity_?

Perhaps killing her now would be merciful, like putting down a sick animal or a bird with a broken wing. A swift death, both to avenge his honor and to end her suffering.

He raised his arm into the air. Glowing green venom oozed from his claws. Bringing it to her throat, he stopped. A slight movement, and it would all be over — the hunt, the fixation on revenge, and the memories from that strange night. All of it would disappear, and life would go on as though nothing happened.

The unfamiliar, unpleasant warmth crept through his chest again.

No. Not pity, but a kind of dread. Should he kill her now, he would never feel her heat against his palm again. A distasteful notion. Why? He couldn't have said. It just  _was_ , much like Rin just  _was,_ existing without plausible explanation or purpose. Sesshoumaru let out a slow silent breath. The poison vanished from his claws.

In the next moment, he drew back and turned on his heel, stepping out of the hut and melding into the night.


End file.
